


Before the Dawn

by celam



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Study, Fluff, Happy Ending, Immortality, M/M, Smut, alec centered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 02:32:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11431341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celam/pseuds/celam
Summary: The differences among each other made them unique in a lot of different aspects and brought some sense of balance in their life that the other people around them seemed unable to achieve. Except for one thing. One thing that made them not only exceptionally different, but also set a deadline to the happiness that they found in stolen kisses in the morning, whispered words in the night, and soft caresses when no one else was watching. Magnus was immortal.Alec ends up in an alternate universe and realizes that he may be taking some things for granted.





	Before the Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys. I know the notes at the beginning are pretty annoying but please read this one. There's a warning that I did not use because it's something that affects the alternate universe and not the main story, and that warning is major character death. The deaths are not that much described, though, just something that happened a few years before. Just wanted you to keep that in mind.
> 
> Anyway, this story is not beta'd so if you want to send corrections you're more than welcome to do so.
> 
> Without further ado I bid you goodbye. See you on the other side.

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Falling in love with Magnus Bane was easy, in a sense that he did not actually had to force it. Loving Magnus was something that came naturally to him, but not less scary. In fact, it was the most terrifying thing in the world, even more so than demons, and any other supernatural creature that threatened his world and everyone he cared about. The differences among each other made them unique in a lot of different aspects and brought some sense of balance in their life that the other people around them seemed unable to achieve. Except for one thing. One thing that made them not only exceptionally different, but also set a deadline to the happiness that they found in stolen kisses in the morning, whispered words in the night, and soft caresses when no one else was watching.

Magnus was immortal.

This notion was kept in the back of his head for a long time, and tried to push aside the worries that came with it, but he reached the point where he just could not ignore it anymore. The sorrow and sadness of thinking that this was not supposed to last forever tinted every single moment that they shared. Magnus seemed unaware of the whirlwind inside of Alec’s head, but Alec noticed how he tiptoed around the subject every time it came up. "Alexander, I said it before and I’ll say it again. The fact that I’m immortal doesn’t define our future, we don’t know what could happen tomorrow", Magnus said and Alec accepted that excuse so he did not have to think too much about it. Ignorance was bliss. But right now he could not ignore it. Not anymore. He was planning a life with Magnus, not a life that has Magnus on it, one that would concern both of them.

He wanted children, he wanted to get married, he wanted a family, and no matter how much he trusted Magnus and how much he knew that Magnus was as in love as he was, there was a part of him that wondered if the physical differences would take a toll on their relationship on the long run. He knew Magnus was not shallow, and he did not love him just because of his looks, but he could not deny the dreadful feeling that would cause him waking up one morning with wrinkles and grey hairs popping out of his head, while Magnus is still looking the same. As beautiful as ever.

Was he being selfish by not considering immortality for himself?

If there is something that defines Alec Lightwood is the love that he has for his family and the constant need, and obligation, that he feels to protect them. He was not delusional, though, and he knew that sooner or later the people that he loves the most would start to leave. The decay of the body is not really something that you can stop when you are a mortal being, and it comes to all. But there was a difference with having to go through that as any other mere mortal, and having to go through that all your life with every single person that you will ever get attached to. What if he had kids? Mortal kids. He would not be able to live the death of his children, and he knew for a fact that neither would Magnus.

He would not deny that he fantasized from time to time with Magnus becoming mortal, just for the sake of wanting to grow old with Alec. But that dream would always go away every time that he heard Magnus telling one of his countless stories about ancient Egypt, or his relationship with Freddy Mercury. The mirth on his voice present in every single anecdote, and Alec knew that he would never take that away from him; he would never ask that and would never expect it.

 "Are you having breakfast here?" Magnus asked as soon as he saw Alec entering the kitchen, dressed with his typical black attire, bow and quiver in hand.

"I’ll be late", Alec replied looking at his watch. Izzy called him the second he woke up to let him know that there has been an attack near the institute, two casualties caused by a demon, and she wanted to know how to proceed. Alec told her to send at least five shadowhunters to the scene and that he would also go so she did not need to. She started to argue and he had to pull rank, he could do this.

"Is everything alright?" Magnus asked, setting a coffee mug in front of Alec, even though it seemed that he was skipping breakfast. Alec smiled and shook his head.

"There was a demon attack a couple of blocks away from the institute, I’m going now", he replied, sipping from his mug. Maybe he could take a moment to enjoy his coffee with Magnus and then ask him to teleport him. Since he had become the Head of the Institute he had missed quiet mornings with his boyfriend, which were now his idea of normalcy, running to a mission first thing in the morning? Not so much.

"Do you have to go?" Magnus asked while sipping from his own mug, sitting beside Alec at the kitchen island. He still was not ready to face his clients, his face being make-up free and wearing only a pair of boxers with a robe.

"Not necessarily, but I’m tired of sitting at my desk all day. I’m starting to miss the action", Alec said with honesty. Of course, being Head of the Institute came with a lot of perks, but he cannot help to feel nostalgic every time he hears Jace and Izzy talk about the fight that they just had. He wanted to go back to the field from time to time.

"I understand, darling, but aren’t you supposed to stay at the Institute? Being safe while letting the other shadowhunters take care of it?" Magnus asked. Alec does not exactly know which part of what Magnus just said annoyed him, and did not know why either, but his mood started to shift nonetheless.

"What do you mean with that?" he asked, Magnus looked unfazed even though Alec could tell that he noticed his change of attitude.

"I mean", he started calmly, "that there’s a reason why leaders don’t go to wars, Alexander. I’m not saying that a minor demon attack means war, but-"

"Are you saying that my life means more than others?" Alec interrupted. He could feel the anger and resentment building inside of him and did not know how to stop. Magnus looked affronted this time but he did not hesitate.

"I’ve never said that, I’m talking about your rank, Alexander. You know that those under you are more expendable, and I’m not trying to be cold, but you understand how this goes. Why are you trying to pick up a fight?" Magnus said, annoyance clear on his voice now but there was a tenderness on his eyes that made Alec feel ashamed and guilty for his behavior.

"I’m not trying to fight you, Magnus, it’s just that the way you say this it makes it seem that my life is more important than anyone else’s", Alec said, setting his now empty mug on the marble surface of the kitchen island.

"Well, I care more about your life than anyone else’s, yes. But you misunderstood my meaning", Magnus replied and lowered his gaze.

"It was just a demon attack, I’ve been a shadowhunter long before I met you, I know how to handle this kind of things", Alec said and went to pick up the bow and quiver than he left by the door when he came in.

"I know that, I just can’t help to worry about you, that’s all", Magnus replied without looking back at him, a softness on his voice that told Alec that he had upset him.

"It’s not like I’m going to die. Not yet anyway", Alec replied, the last part barely a murmur. Magnus let out a humorless laugh.

"I hope not, I grew pretty attached to you, what would I ever do?" Magnus said. This time he stood up from his chair and went near Alec, the tension from before completely gone on his teasing voice. Alec sighed and could feel his heart pumping faster.

"Get a new boyfriend or girlfriend, probably", Alec replied and the second that the words left his mouth he regretted saying anything at all. Magnus’s face fell completely and looked shocked, he had realized that Alec meant it as a joke but came out with resentment.

"What am I supposed to reply to that?" he asked. Alec knew this was not the time, he was letting his frustrations take over a conversation that he would rather have in another moment, not over breakfast, for crying out loud.

"Nothing, I have to go", he said and Magnus stepped in front of him, not letting him go. "What are you doing?"

"You’re not leaving like this, Alexander. Something’s bothering you and I need to know what it is", Magnus said, crossing his arms over his chest. Alec knew him for long enough now to know that was Magnus’s defensive stance, he already knew what was going on but he wanted Alec to say it.

"Let me go", he said instead and tried to push past him once again but Magnus did not yield.

"Remember that night when I told you, on that balcony", started Magnus pointing to the window, "that you don’t need to push me away? That’s exactly what you’re doing now, again, and I-"

That was it. That was the moment Alec snapped. He was so tired of not being able to talk properly with Magnus about this that hearing him now angry because Alec was not sharing struck a chord that once he started talking; he knew he would not be able to stop.

"Are you serious?" he interrupted Magnus mid-sentence angrily. Magnus closed his mouth and looked at him wide-eyed. "I’ve been trying to talk about this for months now and you’ve been deflecting the topic every single time that I brought it up, I cannot believe that you’re actually saying this as if you did it unconsciously".

Magnus visibly swallowed and took a deep breath. "Alexander, please. We talked about this, I don’t-"

"Have we, though?" Alec interrupted again. "I’m only just accepting your excuses, Magnus; I’m not talking about this. Neither are you. Look, if you can’t understand why this is important to me-"

"Why are you letting this ruin your peace of mind?" Magnus interrupted this time, desperate and angry, all at once. "Why are you so set to think about how our relationship is going to end instead of enjoying every day that we spend together?"

"Do you think I like to think about this?" Alec said, taking deep breaths between sentences, he did not want to scream, not to Magnus. "That I enjoy wondering every day what is going to happen the day I fucking die? Or if you’re going to leave me the moment that I’m starting to get old? I don’t like fearing this, but I can’t help it because you don’t help me. I need to know where we are going, I’m sorry if I can’t be more spontaneous and just go with the flow, there are some things that I need to know and have at least a modicum of control". Magnus sighed and stepped closer to him.

"Alexander, we’re going to be fine", Magnus said kindly.

"You’re deflecting again", Alec replied exhausted. "Magnus, we’ve always been able to talk about everything, I hate that you’re not talking to me right now. It- it hurts so much". Magnus let a shaky breath and opened his mouth to say something but Alec continued talking. "I want to marry you, you know? I want to have kids with you; I want us to live together for as long as the world will let us. But… I’m afraid that you may not want the same things. I’m afraid this- us… is just another relationship. I know you love me, and you know I love you, too. But if we can’t even discuss our future together, I-", another deep breath, "I don’t know if I can do it. It’s just too much".

Magnus had tears on his eyes now and Alec hated being the one that brought them there, but he needed to say it, he was so tired of not being heard. He understood Magnus’s fears and insecurities, but he also needed to voice his. This time when he reached for the door, Magnus let him pass and did not say another word.

The walk down the stairs and out of the building was a blur, because of both the tears that seemed to be escaping his eyes all at once, and the last words that he said to Magnus replaying over and over again on his head, torturing him. Seeing Magnus so distressed because of his own words made him feel the most disgusting human being on the planet, and he wanted to get back to the loft, ask for forgiveness and just hold him for as long as he would let him. But he was not going back now, he had wanted to say this for so long that he could not just back off, he needed to remain strong, not matter how much it hurt.

He did not even take the subway; he walked to the scene, bumping people every single minute because he could not focus on his surroundings. He finally said it; he finally talked about his fears about the end of his relationship with Magnus. And he did it in a way that might have caused said end. He honestly wanted to just crawl inside of a hole and wait for his death to come. He should have planned, he should have told Magnus that he needed to talk about something important and actually prepare his words, instead of vomit whatever came to his mind in that moment. He hurt Magnus; he keeps seeing that moment on his head, the moment that Magnus’s face showed him that he was putting the walls back up.

Walls that he had managed to destroy over the time that they have been together. Walls that now put even more distance between them than ever before.

"Mr. Lightwood, what are you doing here?" asked a shadowhunter that Alec did not recognize the moment that he stepped into the scene.

"I…" he tried to clear and focus his mind.”I came to assist you", he said, the sentence coming out more as a question than a statement.

"Okay?" the guy said. "We have everything under control, I’ll write a report as soon as we’re finished".

"Why don’t you feel me in?" Alec said. He needed to do something, get his mind busy in order to not to think about Magnus. About Magnus and about how he fucked it up royally.

"Of course", the guy replied and Alec started to feel guilty for not remembering his name. "Two mundanes, both males, were apparently going to the park when they were attacked by a shax demon".

"Motive?" Alec asked. As if demons need one, he thought.

"Malice?" the guy replied and Alec chuckled.

"Guessed as much. What happened then?" he said.

"There was a young warlock nearby, he saw what happened and managed to kill the demon. Unfortunately, the victims were already dead, sir", the guy, Duncan, replied. Alec mentally high-fived himself for remembering.

"Where’s the warlock?" he asked.

"Right there", Duncan replied pointing a guy that was sitting under a tree a few feet behind them.

Alec thanked him for the information and went to talk to the warlock who raised his head as soon as he spotted him.

"Good morning, I’m Alec Lightwood, Head of the Institute", he introduced himself.

"Yeah, I know who you are. I’m Elias", the boy replied. He looked visible shaken, obviously affected after have not been able to save the two men that were attacked.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked and Elias did not even try to hide his shock at the simple question.

"I thought you were going to ask me what happened", he replied instead and Alec smiled.

"No, Duncan is going to write a report for me later. I just wanted to check on you", he said. And Elias rewarded him with a grateful smile.

"I’m okay, it’s just… I wish I could have helped them, you know? But my magic", he trailed off, looking at his feet. Alec furrowed his brow.

"What happens with your magic?" he asked.

The boy sighed and looked unwilling to share, but he raised his head and saw only concern in Alec’s gaze, not judgment. So he took a deep breath and started talking.

"I’m eighteen; I just found out that I’m a warlock a couple of months ago. I always thought that I was just weird, you know?" the boy chuckled and Alec smiled at him, "I’ve been practicing a lot, I swear, but when I get nervous I seem unable to do things right. And it took me too long to kill that demon, maybe if I was faster-"

"Hey", Alec interrupted, "don’t beat yourself up for it; it wasn’t your fault, okay?"

When the boy was about to reply Duncan came back to Alec.

"Sir, sorry to interrupt, but we just finished here so we’re heading back to the Institute. Do you need a ride?" he asked. Alec shook his head.

"Thank you, you go, I’m taking Elias home", Alec said without even asking the boy if he needed company. Duncan nodded and left. Alec turned to look at Elias again.

"Where do you live?" he asked. Luckily for Alec, Elias lived far away from Magnus. He would have hated to go back to Brooklyn, near Magnus again, because he was scared that he might not have the willpower now to not go to the loft as soon as he dropped Elias off.

They walked in silence and Alec noticed that the boy was still feeling guilty and was probably cursing himself on his head for not being more trained. And honestly, Alec could not blame him; he would have done the same. Damn, he even blamed himself when a demon possessed him and made him murder Jocelyn. That reminder still brought a physical ache to his chest.

"Something’s wrong", Elias said suddenly and Alec was startled, but the moment the words made sense on his head he pulled out his bow.

"What is it?" he asked, looking around.

"The wind", Elias said, his hands full of a yellow smoke coming out of them, "is blowing the opposite direction than a moment ago". Alec cursed himself for not being more aware of what was happening, he should have noticed that. "It’s like earlier".

"Ok, stay close to me, tell me if you see any-", Alec started saying but a force coming from beneath his feet made him fall to the ground, knocking the air out his lungs. Elias almost screamed the moment that he noticed that it was another shax demon. He started to launch several spells to him but the demon was unaffected.

Alec grabbed an arrow and started to shoot from where he was lying still on the ground. The demon noticed him there and started to go to him, Elias managed to shoot a spell at it at the same moment that Alec shoot an arrow, the spell making the arrow go out in flames instead.

"Damn it", Alec said and took another arrow. "Elias, run! I’ll be fine, get out of here!” he said shooting as many arrows as he could, but the demon was ducking and zigzagging so fast that Alec could barely see it. Elias stood where he was, still trying to cast spells. "Run!" Alec screamed at him at the same time that Elias managed to open a portal.

"What did I do?" he asked scared, Alec does not have time for this right now.

"Just go! Now!" he said, and Elias started running towards his house. Alec was finally able to stand up and took a seraph blade, now that the demon was too close to try to kill him with an arrow.

He could not shut up the part of his mind that was telling him that this was taking way too long, something was wrong with him, he was not concentrated enough. The demon took a swing at him and he managed to duck before it touched him. Alec used the moment to stab it with the blade and the demon started to hiss, becoming more and more violent.

He had two options, keep on fighting and make sure that the thing is dead. Or take the portal and run to live another day. The demon kept attacking him and Alec knew it was a matter of seconds until it would finally grab him and kill him. He thought of Magnus then, Magnus who was scared of him being killed by a simple demon. The universe was so funny, sometimes. Alec decided to be smart. Pick your battles, he thought, and stepped into a portal thinking in just one word: Magnus.

 

\---------

 

Alternate universes were not rare on his world, as crazy as that sounds, so he was not as surprised as he should probably had to be when he landed in a place that looked like the Institute but most certainly was not. All the technology equipment was gone, wooden floors instead of the cold tiles, walls painted in a soft peachy color and there was sunshine pouring from every window. In the center of the room was a table, with at least twelve chairs and a vase full with flowers on top. It looked like a school.

There were murmurs coming out of every room, he assumed that classes were taking place at the moment. The place looked so shiny and full of light that he could not help to feel a little sad that the Institute back home was always so dark, the only light casted by the windows was reddish which always put him a little on edge. He looked around the place for a moment until he heard the distinct sound of high heels nearing him. Izzy.

"Alec?" she asked in disbelief as soon as she spotted him, standing there looking completely out of place. She was different but at the same time she looked completely the same. She had a long white dress that hugged her curves and a red jacket on top. The only thing that distinguished her from the other universe was the glasses adorning her face. "What are you doing here?"

Alec could not really tell if Izzy was glad or not to see him, which he found completely odd. Obviously there were a lot of parallel universes and probably he did not have a close relationship with his sister in some of them, but still. It was odd. The look on his face told him that she was scared, surprised and a little hopeful, but why?

"Uh", he said lamely. There were no runes adorning Isabelle’s skin, so it was very likely that she would not know about other dimensions. "I- came to visit you", he decided to say. Izzy narrowed his eyes at him and stepped closer.

"You are not my brother", she said accusingly and did not give Alec a second to lie before she continued. "Are you a shape shifter?" she asked and her hand moved slowly to her hip, Alec sensed that there was a weapon hiding underneath the jacket.

 "What do you mean?" he asked and tried to move a little out of her reach, she noticed the movement.

"You would not be the first person coming from another realm, don’t try to trick me", she said dangerously and started to draw a knife that, as Alec predicted, she had hidden on her clothes. Alec raised his arms in surrender.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t know if I should tell you the truth, I thought you weren’t aware of other universes", he said trying to sound as honest as he could. Something changed in Izzy’s eyes but she did not lower the knife.

"What are you looking for here?" she asked, without taking her eyes off of him.

"I… I’m looking for a way to get back", he replied. "I didn’t mean to come to your world; I got into a portal that obviously malfunctioned and somehow ended up here".

"Obviously", she repeated and kept studying him. Alec was nervous now, he would have never been nervous around his sister but this one was not his, was someone else that did not trust him. Izzy lowered the knife slowly but her look of distrust never left her face. "Come to my office", she said.

Alec followed her, the infrastructure of the building was the same as the Institute back home, and he was not surprised when she took him to what should be his office. In here it was different, though. The window was clear and open, the walls covered with family pictures and drawings from little kids. The fireplace was gone and on his place there was a piano, Alec wondered if Izzy knew how to play.

"I don’t really know if I can help you", Izzy said straightforward. "We don’t exactly have the means to make a portal or to create a vortex". Alec tried to remain calm, surely he would be able to find a way around this, and she had said before that he was not their first visitor after all.

"You mentioned someone coming from another world", he started saying and Izzy avoided his eyes, he decided to continue, "How did they go back?"

Izzy took a deep breath and it looked like she was physically bracing herself for the conversation, grabbing the ends of the desk. Alec tried not to stare. "They didn’t".

"Excuse me?" Alec said and she looked at the door as if she was looking for a way out. Still, she sighed and started to talk.

"A few years back, a man came from another realm and pretended to be someone he was not. Apparently for him it had been an accident too, to end up here, and when we told him that we couldn’t help him go back he decided to kill two of us", she said, clenching her jaw at the end, as if the pain and anger from that day was still present at the very surface. "He took away people that we cared about and destroyed the lives of the people that remained in the process".

Alec wondered if he had been killed on this attack and that was why it was so difficult for her to look him in the eye. "I’m sorry", he said. She looked at him and a ghost of a smile appeared on her face and then vanished, just as fast as it came. "Do you know if anyone can help me, though? I know you said that you can’t, but have you ever heard of someone managing to open up portals or… doing magic, or something?"

Izzy shook her head. "We are as mundane as we can be".

The sound of a bell startled Alec and Isabelle sighed again, "It’s lunchtime, I have to go, Alec. I’m really sorry that I can’t help you, but you also can’t stay here, I don’t want your presence to make people feel paranoid again", she said sounding sympathetic. Alec believed her.

"Of course, I… I’ll try to find another way back", he said and stood up. He had no idea where he was supposed to go, or what to do. Panic started to grow a little bit stronger with every passing minute, no matter how much Alec tried to deny it. He went to the door just when Izzy called his name.

"Please… don’t go visiting my brother, okay?" she said with a hint of sadness that was not present before and Alec was taken aback. "He… he’s struggling, and… Just, please don’t go to him". Alec swallowed and nodded before leaving the office, going through the corridors, and avoiding making eye contact with every single person in the main hall as he left.

He could not believe what just happened. He talked to Izzy for barely five minutes and then she told him to leave, something that he never expected from a conversation with her. But once again, this was not his Izzy, and she did not care about him but her Alec. He had no one to go.

He started to wander through the city and without noticing at least four hours had passed since his arrival. Izzy’s words were still present on his mind, "we are as mundane as we can be". The streets were full of people, making the best of the warm weather, laughing and talking. The city was completely different, not as grey as it was back home, people seemed happier and more carefree. It made him a little bit uneasy.

Eventually Magnus’s face came to his mind and he felt a dull pain on his chest. What if he was never coming back? What if that last conversation with Magnus was the last one that they would ever have? The rational part of him told him that Magnus had noticed his absence and was looking for him, but the irrational part of him, the one that was winning at the moment, told him that Magnus did not notice. Or that he did not care that Alec was not trying to reach out. Magnus is in love with me, he thought, and I’m love with him, why am I making all of this so difficult?

The place where The Hunter’s Moon should been came into view but instead there was a small café called The Moon Pie. Something about the place lured him in and decided to go inside. He ignored the voice that reminded him that it looked different from the night of his first date with Magnus, and went to sit on a table near the window. The strong smell of coffee was filling his nostrils and the warm environment helped him to relax a little. A waitress that he did not recognize came to his table.

"Hello, there. What can I get you?" she asked politely and took out a notepad from her pink apron.

"Uh… a coffee, please, black". He said, she replied that it would take a second and left. He looked around the place trying to spot familiar faces, but to no avail. The café was almost full, only a couple of tables remained unoccupied .There was a piano and microphone on the stage and he wondered if anyone was going to perform. And that was when he saw him.

Simon.

He was talking on the phone at the same time that he reached his place on the stage, looking worried, making a lot of hand gestures in the air. Alec snorted; some things just did not change. The waitress came back and placed his cup of coffee in front of him and left again. More people started to arrive; it looked like they were Simon’s fans because they started to take pictures as soon as they spotted him. "Hello, everyone", he said into the microphone. He sounded more confident than Alec was used to, it was a weird change. He also looked different, there was something about his hair that made him look different but Alec could not pinpoint exactly what it was. "This is Simon Lewis and tonight I will", he raised his head and spotted Alec among the crowd, he quickly averted his eyes, "not perform. Thanks, good night", he concluded and went down the stage and left the café through the back door.

Alec was taken aback at first but the moment he realized that Simon had spotted him he decided to go after him but through the front door, to try to corner him in the alley behind the café. The people inside started to boo Simon for leaving the stage and Alec had to push his way out of the packed room, he needed to get out fast. When he finally managed to get through the door someone grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Did you pay, boy?" asked the police officer at the entrance. Alec was about to say something when he saw Simon walking down the street, looking behind his back and pretending that he did not see Alec standing right there.

"I’m sorry, this is an emergency", he said trying to get loose.

"Then pay for the coffee and then you can leave", the officer said calmly. Alec saw Simon’s head two streets away and tried to get free again. There was something about alternate universes that made him feel bolder, he did not have to pay for the consequences in a place that was not his real world. But, instead of getting himself out of the man’s hold, he got slammed against the police car, handcuffs encircling his wrists.

"You don’t understand, I need to go to Simon", he pleaded, pulling at the cuffs trying to get free. The officer actually scoffed at him.

"Give him some flowers and he will come around. Now you’ll have to come back to the station with me", he said shoving Alec inside the vehicle and slamming the door behind him. When Alec looked through the window, Simon was already gone.

Thanks to his idea of trying to escape from the police officer, he had to spend his night on a prison cell. He was just that lucky. There was another guy with him but it looked like he was passed out drunk in top of the only bed available. His clothes were drenched with sweat, and smelled like cigarettes and other substances that should only belong in a toilet. Alec tried to ignore his companion and once again his mind went to Magnus. As per usual.

By this time Magnus should have noticed Alec’s absence, or at least Izzy, so she probably would have told him. Or maybe Elias went to the Institute to see if he was actually okay as he said he would be, so maybe Magnus knew about his magic and the portal. What if he did not care, though? Or what if he did and right now was spending the night awake just to find a way to get him back? That is what Alec would do, no matter how many fights he could have with him, even if they broke up, Alec would still do anything in his power to help him.

"Alec Lightwood", a guard said nearing him, "you have a visitor". Alec did not even had the chance to wonder who could it be when he saw Clary standing on the other side of the bars.

"Hi, Alec", she said smiling weakly at him. Once again, he could not tell if she was happy or not to see him, it was unnerving.

"Hello, Clary", he said and decided to wait for her to speak instead, not knowing really what to say.

"Izzy told me you were here. I mean here as in this world, she doesn’t know you’re in prison. That part? Simon told me", she said. Alec clenched his fists. So Simon did see him getting arrested, then why did he run away? The fact that he did not like Simon very much was probably something that would be true in every single universe. "Look, I know Izzy already told you this but you can’t be here, you must leave as soon as possible, you’re causing probl-"

"Do you think I want to stay here?" he interrupted her angrily, growing tired of being rejected anywhere by everyone, it was not his decision to come to this place. "There’s nothing that I want more than to leave, believe me, but I don’t have a way to do it".

She sighed and looked around, then lowered her voice. "There’s a woman, near Brooklyn that says that she can perform magic but it could be a scam", she started saying, "the thing is that I trust her, although I never saw her use her powers, I think she’s an honest person".

"And who’s that?" Alec asked, trying to not get way too hopeful, he needed to remain calm.

"Her name is Iris Rouse, she-"

"No, I don’t trust her", Alec interrupted immediately, he could be desperate but he would never go to that woman again. "In my universe, she tried to hurt you, she tricked Magnus to steal his spell book, she’s… I can’t trust her. I won’t".

Clary lowered her gaze and it looked like she was about to cry, but then she raised her head again and it was as if nothing had happened. "I’m sorry, but it is the only person I know, Alec. She could be your only chance to go home".

"I can’t go to her, Clary", he said. Clary sighed and he continued talking, trying to keep her from insisting. "In my world she’s a warlock, then maybe I should just contact another warlock, what about Magnus?" he asked and he noticed the difference in her eyes now, something was happening and she was not saying it.

"I’m sorry, I just know about her", she said and started to leave.

"Clary, wait, please", he cried behind the bars, "where’s Magnus?" And she was gone.

First Izzy, then Simon and now Clary. No one trusted him enough, or wanted to help him at all. What was going on in this place? Why his family and friends were so cold-hearted? If someone from another universe appeared on his he would try to help them, not ignore them. It made him feel completely alone and even more lost than he already was, as if he needed that.

At least forty minutes later the guard came back and told him that someone had bailed him out. He stood up from his spot on the floor, feeling sore from being in the same position for so long in the concrete. He made his way out of the prison and spotted Simon outside, standing by a car, looking nervous and scared. Good. In different circumstances he would have thanked him, right now he kind of wanted to punch him in the face. Still, he refused to do it because it was probably the only one willing to help him.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, though, he was not going to punch him but he was still angry. Simon looked at him and raised his arms in surrender.

"I’m sorry, okay? I panicked", he explained and Alec rolled his eyes.

"Do you know how I can get out of here?" he asked and Simon sighed. Alec was getting really tired of people pretending to be sorry for him while at the same time not doing anything to actually help him.

"I don’t, but I think I know who could help you", Simon said and went inside of the car behind him. "Are you going in?" he asked and Alec opened the door.

The drive was quiet, filled with a heavy silence. Simon looked guilty for making Alec spend the night in jail, and Alec was full of many questions that apparently no one wanted to answer. Simon took him to the countryside, far away from the city. The road had barely any lights, and Alec thought for a second if this was the moment that he was going to be murdered. Instead of killing him, Simon started to talk. Potato, potato.

"I’m sorry that we’re so secretive about… us, but you’ll understand why there’s some topics that we don’t want to talk about when we get there", he said.

"Where are we going, exactly?" Alec asked and Simon remained silent. He rolled his eyes and thought that maybe he could punch him in the face, at least just once.

Thirty minutes later, Simon was parking in front of a cabin in the middle of the woods. It was not particularly big, but it seemed really cozy and welcoming. Alec could not help but to feel a hint of sadness over the way that the house had been taken care of, though. There were dead flowers on the windowsills, dust on the steps leading to the front door, and spider web covering a hammock in the porch. If it was not for the soft glow coming from inside, Alec would have thought that the house was abandoned.

Simon went up the stairs and knocked softly on the door. He stood there for a couple of seconds until they could hear footsteps. "Who is it?" a grumpy voice came from inside and Alec instantly recognized his own voice.

"Alec, it’s- it’s Simon", he said and Alec opened the door.

"Is Izzy okay?" he asked without bothering to look around and see Alec standing there. That is when Alec realized why Izzy asked him not come to see him. He had bags under bloodshot eyes, his beard was already in need of a trim, and his hair going in all different directions, even his clothes looked dirty, as if he had been wearing them for a very long time. He even looked older than Alec.

"Yes, yes, she’s okay", Simon reassured him and then stepped to the side so Alec could come into view. "Al-", he did not have time to say anything because as the other Alec spotted Alec behind Simon he launched at him and tackled him to the ground, a knife already pressing his neck.

"Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?" he said, having him so up close Alec could feel the smell of alcohol coming from him. If this Alec was any like him, he then would have to assume that he was drinking in order to get drunk, not because he enjoyed it.

"I- I don’t even know, Simon brought me, I need a way to go back home", Alec said desperately, he was not going to die by his own hands, not without seeing Magnus one more time at least.

"Yeah? That’s what that scumbag said last time and you know what? I didn’t believe him then and I sure as hell don’t believe you know", he said pressing the knife even more, Alec knew that if he swallowed he would get cut.

"I swear, I don’t know what happened the first time but I’m not here to hurt anyone. I just want to get back home", he said with as much honesty as he could muster. Alec did not lower his arm and Simon went to stand by his side.

"Alec, please. Even if he’s lying, he’s not even armed; I picked him from the police station. They gave me his blade", Simon reasoned. Only then Alec realized that he was actually unarmed, never thought about the blade that the police took from him when he was imprisoned.

The other Alec decided to stand up then and went back to the house. "Then get the fuck out of here", he said slamming the door. Alec could finally breathe and sighed in relief. He got up with Simon’s help and stood there looking at the house, trying to understand what just happened.

Since it seemed that the other Alec was not coming out again soon, Simon took Alec to a diner a few miles away from the cabin. "I’m sorry about that, Alec is not the same since the attack, he’s actually a very nice person", he said.

"Everybody keeps talking about the attack but no one actually says anything about it, it’s really frustrating", Alec replied and Simon lowered his gaze. "Stop trying to look guilty, Simon, I’m getting real tired of all this. If you really want to help me then start talking, or take me to someone that can portal me back home, or just leave me alone. I’m tired of running around in circles, having every person that I care about ignoring me".

Simon looked at him this time and Alec saw that he was not trying to look guilty, but he was actually feeling guilty. "You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just… the attack is not something that we can just start talking about. It’s some sort of taboo around here. But you’re right, you need help and I want to help you", he said and Alec sighed in relief. Thank you, finally, he thought.

"Three years ago this guy appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the school, just where Izzy told me that you appeared yesterday. This guy… he seemed a decent guy. Now that I think about it he probably didn’t really look that decent, but at the time no one noticed, except for Alec, of course.

"Everyone was excited to have someone saying that was coming from other dimension, it was surreal, and everybody loved him. But, apparently he didn’t love any of us as much as we loved him. He, obviously, wanted to go back. We told him that all of this was new for us, and there was no way that anyone could do a portal. He said that there were people in the city that he actually knew from his universe, and that those people were warlocks so they could probably have the power to summon a portal. I even remember him saying that they only needed a little persuasion. At the time it sounded like a joke, but now I see the cynicism behind his words.

"He contacted Dorothea Rollins in Brooklyn and was disappointed to find out that she was actually travelling abroad. He said that his father knew another powerful warlock but that this one was a child. He went to the school looking for an orphan girl called Madzie".

Alec was already started to fear where this story was going. Simon took a deep breath and continued.

"Madzie was a very cute girl, frizzy hair and big eyes, and she was nice with everyone but she was afraid of this man. Madzie and Alec had a very close relationship, and when she told him that the man went to the school to talk to her, he instantly decided to do something. He went to Izzy and told her that this man should not be allowed at the school, Izzy told him that he was being paranoid and that the man was really fond of Madzie. Alec said that he had a bad feeling about him. That’s when Magnus decided to do something".

Alec had been wondering since he arrived where Magnus was, right now he was not sure if he actually wanted to know.

"Magnus went to this man and told him that Madzie would not be able to help him, that he would instead. The man actually agreed, and after practicing for a couple of days with him, he forced Magnus to go to the school to open the portal since that’s the place where he appeared. Reluctantly Magnus went. Magnus tried to do everything that he could to summon a portal, the man told him how the warlocks of his universe did it, but Magnus could not do anything. So he decided to go after Madzie and Magnus refused to let him go.

"Apparently they got into a fight, and Jace and Izzy found them. Jace immediately went to help Magnus but the man stabbed him on the chest. He shoved Izzy out the way and then went after Madzie. Magnus shielded the girl and the man got him. He killed him in an instant. Madzie managed to run away because Izzy knocked him out with a vase that was on top of the table.

"After that day Alec never was the same. Losing Magnus and his best friend that night made him just… give up on life. You’ve seen him. He even told Izzy once that he was just waiting to leave this world. He lost hope the night that he lost Magnus".

Alec swallowed hard, his eyes full of tears threatening to fall. He could never imagine what he would do without Magnus; just thinking about it makes him feel sick to the stomach, a cold shiver running down his spine. It was just impossible to him to imagine a scenario where Alec was alive and not Magnus. He always thought it would be the other way around, in every universe.

"I- I don’t understand. Why did you bring me to him, then?" Alec asked confused.

"After everything that happened, Alec became obsessed on getting Magnus back. He contacted Dorothea. She was a friend of Magnus and loved Alec, too, so when she came back from her trip he went to her. He told her that he needed to open a portal to go to Magnus".

"Wait, what?" Alec said. "What does that mean?"

Simon sighed, sadness showing over his face now. "Alec wanted to go to another universe where there was a Magnus without an Alec. At least that’s what he told Izzy".

Alec felt a dull pain on his chest. "God. What did Dot say?"

"She helped him, of course. Like I said, she loved both of them and wanted nothing more than for Alec to be happy. So Alec explained her everything that Magnus have told him about opening portals. He had been training for a couple of days before going to the school, and Magnus found the topic quite fascinating so he told Alec every detail. And eventually they managed to open one. Alec then disappeared for almost a year. When he came back he told Izzy that he had gone to at least four hundred universes and that he never found one where they were apart. Seeing himself with another Magnus, being alive and happy destroyed what was left of him. So he decided to stop searching and went to live to the cabin, away from everyone".

Alec tried to detach himself from the story, he did not want to lose focus now, and he still needed to get back. "Still, why going to him, why can’t I go to see Dot? She can summon a portal, can’t she?"

"After seeing what happened with Alec, Dot decided to go to live to England with her friend Ragnor. She’s been gone for almost two years now, and Alec, even if she were here I don’t think she would help you".

Alec sighed. "What am I supposed to do, then? Alec is not going to help me and if he doesn’t then no one else can".

"Yeah. We’re kinda screwed".

\---------

Alec fell asleep at the diner. He and Simon spent almost all night talking about the other Alec’s life or trying to come up with different plans to help Alec go back home. Sadly, they could not think of anything that could actually help him. So Alec ended up falling asleep, his forehead pressed on his forearms, soft lines marking his face due to the wrinkles of his sweater. He woke up and felt lost for a moment, looking at the unfamiliar surroundings, until he could focus and remember where he was and why he was there.

Of course, I’m still here, he thought.

Simon was not sitting in front of him, instead he was talking on the phone outside and Alec saw him through the window. He seemed distressed and was gesturing wildly; it looked like he was trying to convince someone of doing, or not doing, something. He suddenly hung up and went inside the diner again.

"What is it?" he asked as soon as Simon was near the table.

"I was talking to Izzy, she says Alec is leaving". Alec never got up so fast in his life. He almost felt dizzy but managed to start walking towards the car as fast as he could, Simon following closely behind.

The ride to the cabin would take at least thirty minutes, twenty if Simon stopped driving like an old lady. And they did not even know if Alec called Izzy already on the road, or if he let her know that he was leaving soon.

"Can’t you go a little bit faster?" Alec asked and Simon shook his head.

"Safety first, we’re going to get there soon. Also, Izzy will kick my ass if she finds another driving ticket", Simon replied. Alec stared at him for a moment.

"What’s up between you and Izzy?" he asked and Simon blushed. "Take it easy, I’m not this Izzy’s actual brother, you know".

"Yeah, it’s just- it’s-", Simon started saying and then took a deep breath. "She’s my wife". Alec looked affronted and shocked, he was not expecting that.

"Really?" he said in disbelief.

"What? You don’t think a girl like her could marry a man like me?" Simon asked.

"Well… no", Alec said and Simon laughed.

"I know. But yeah, we’ve been married for five years now", he said proudly. "Are we not together in your world?" This time Alec laughed.

"Not even close. Well, as far as I’m concerned. You and I… we’re not very close", he admitted and Simon nodded.

"Me and Alec are not very close in here either, which is too bad because I actually like him. Even though he’s scary", Simon said and Alec could not say that he did not agree with that last part.

"Yeah, you probably are not so bad", he said shrugging and Simon smiled.

They arrived at the cabin a few minutes later and Alec let out a sigh of relief when he saw that the door was open, and there was a pick-up truck at the front full of bags and belongings that apparently Alec was taking with him. Alec came out of the house carrying two boxes and muttered a ‘for fuck’s sake’ when he noticed them, then went back inside.

Simon stood there looking uncomfortable, not knowing exactly what to do and neither did Alec. Suddenly the other Alec stepped out of the house again, with a backpack on his shoulder and started to lock the door. This was it. He was done and about to leave.

"Alec", Simon said, "please, we need to talk to you". Alec kept walking towards the truck but held up a hand.

"Fuck off, I already told you to leave me alone, go back home" he said, rearranging the boxes that he packed last in order for them to not to fall. Alec noticed that one of them was labeled ‘Magnus’ and his heart squeezed on his chest. He probably would never let him go and that hurt so bad, because he knew that he would be the same.

"Alec, please", this time it was Alec who spoke. "I need your help. I know that you don’t trust me and I’m not asking you to trust me, but please. I need to go back home".

"I don’t give a fuck about what you need, I told you to leave me alone, why is that so hard to understand?" Alec said angrily, staring at them with nothing but fury on his eyes. "Am I not allowed to live my life, too? Right now, I want to leave this place, so if you both could just fuck off, that would be lovely". Simon stepped in front of him.

"Just listen to us for a moment and then you can leave", he said trying to reason with him. Alec scoffed.

"Alec, please. You are the only one that can help me now. If you want me gone then we better make this fast so I can stop bothering you", Alec said, desperation clinging on his voice.

"Fuck off. And fuck you, Simon, I thought you were better than this", the other Alec said and dropped his backpack on the passenger seat.

"Alec, I’m sorry, but he really needs your help", Simon said and Alec ignored him, ready to go away. In that moment Alec realized that it was now or never, Alec was about to leave, he would never be able to find him again. Not if he did not want to be found. He had to do something and do it fast or his only chance would be gone forever. Magnus would be gone forever.

"Alexander", Alec tried this time. He saw the pain that that word alone caused on the other man, and for a second he thought about apologizing, but he could not do it. Not now. "Help me, please. Help me go back to him. Help me go back to Magnus".

The other Alec opened the door of the truck and Alec thought for a moment that he was actually going to leave. He was holding the door so hard that his knuckles turned yellow, his head was lowered, looking at the ground, his face hidden from the other two men looking at him. He suddenly slammed the door shut and cursed, turning around sniffing. He stood there, looking at the trees for a moment until he took his keys out of his pocket and went back to the cabin. Alec and Simon did not dare to say anything in order to not push their luck.

Ten minutes later Alec came back outside and picked the box labeled ‘kitchen’ from the truck and looked at them. "Are you coming in or are you going to stand there looking like the idiots you are?" he asked and went back inside. Alec let out a sigh of relief and Simon chuckled.

 

\---------

 

The furniture from the cabin was still inside since Alec was leaving in a hurry, probably running away from him. He could not judge him for that. He offered to prepare tea and went to the kitchen without waiting for an answer, it was not like he was completely on board with their plan but at least he was listening now, and Alec would take anything, not matter how small.

While Alec and Simon drank their tea, the other Alec started to unpack the boxes and putting everything where it was. He did not have a lot of things so it did not take him too long. Alec assumed that he was stalling, but he did not mind, as long as he would help him he would try to give him as much time as possible. Simon offered to help him at some point but he just shook his head and continued arranging pictures on the mantelpiece.

An hour and a half later Simon got a call from Izzy who needed help at the school, so he asked Alec if he would mind if he left him alone. To be honest, Alec was a little scared to be alone with the other Alec but still he shook his head and said that it was okay, that he was going to be fine. Before Simon was gone Alec thanked him for his help and Simon smiled saying that he wanted to see him one more time before he went back home. Alec promised to say goodbye.

"Thank you" Alec said few minutes later, when he noticed that the other Alec had finished. "For the tea and, well, for not leaving". The other Alec sighed and went to sit in front of him on the table. He scratched his beard and took a moment before he replied.

"This isn’t easy for me", he said, "there’s a part of me that says that I should not trust you, but… you’re me, in a way, how different could us be?" Alec chuckled.

"Actually, I don’t think we’re different at all. I’d probably have kicked you out of my house, too. If it was the other way around", he said and this time it was the other Alec’s turn to laugh. "By the way, I’m sorry. For what I did earlier to make you listen to me. I didn’t want to bring up something that hurts you so much, but I really need to come back to him, you know?"

The other Alec looked at him and swallowed hard, nodding his head slowly. "No hard feelings", it’s the only thing he said and Alec could tell that he was hurting but at least trying to get past that. He felt grateful. "Let me show you something", he said and stood up motioning Alec to follow him. They went to the back of the cabin where the bedroom was. The place looked almost empty. There was a king sized bed, a closet and a desk with a chair near the bed. On top of the desk was the ‘Magnus’ labeled box that Alec saw earlier. The other Alec picked up the box and went to sit on the bed, Alec sat next to him.

He opened the box and it was full of photos and random things that Alec had no idea the story behind them. The other Alec picked up a picture and showed it to Alec. "This was at Izzy and Simon’s wedding", he said. Alec examined the photo and, again, he felt his chest constrict at the sight of how in love Alec and Magnus looked in there. They were with Izzy, Simon, Jace and Clary. The six of them were smiling at the camera, except for Alec that was smiling at Magnus.

"You look so happy in here", he said and the other Alec hummed in agreement.

"We were. That was a beautiful night. Jace got so drunk that he ended up singing on his boxers on the terrace of the hotel, even the people from the other buildings could see him", he chuckled shaking his head fondly at the memory. "Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him, you know. Jace. Losing both Jace and Magnus on the same night was… the worst thing that I’ve ever had to endure", he admitted softly.

Alec did not know what to say, he could not even imagine a life without both his parabatai and Magnus, he would probably be even worse than this Alec.

"You know, before the attack", the other Alec continued talking before Alec could say anything, "Magnus and I were thinking about adopting this little girl from the school, Madzie. She loves- loved us. I loved hanging out with her when I went to visit Izzy at school, and she always asked me about Magnus and I would invent all sort of epic stories about what Magnus was doing at that time", he chuckled. "She didn’t buy any of them but she still loved to hear me telling them. One day Magnus was a dragon slayer, the next day he was a genie, and the next he was a king. And the best part is that every time she saw Magnus she would ask him if my stories where true and he always said yes and started to make them even more and more bizarre. We made her laugh so much".

"I’m so sorry", Alec said this time. "What you lost… neither of you deserved this. It angers me the fact that there’s nothing that can be done about this".

The other Alec chuckled sadly. "Yeah, I know. But I’m trying to live with this, even if you can’t tell. Every day is a fight where I convince myself that I need to keep going, for his sake. Magnus would be so angry at me if didn’t at least try".

"Well, he is stubborn like that", Alec agreed.

"Isn’t he?" he laughed and sighed. "I’ve been to so many dimensions looking for him and I’ve seen so many different versions of him, but every single one of them was the same, in essence, you know. It was strange, and beautiful, and painful at the same time".

"How did you manage to do that, though?" Alec asked. "If I had gone through what you’ve gone through, seeing Magnus in so many different universes being alive… I think it’d have destroyed me".

The other Alec seemed to think for a moment, considering his answer. "Probably was the fact that I was so sure that I would find another one and that faith was what helped me to keep going. But the realization that none of them was the same, that none of them was the Magnus that I felt in love with was something that almost destroyed me, like you said. Watching him being so in love with his Alec… that left me in pieces. Knowing that I would never be at the receiving end of that look again, it was- it still is utterly painful".

"I wish things were different, I wish you didn’t have to go through all of this", Alec said in frustration. It was so unfair. The other Alec nodded his head.

"I know", he said and stayed silent for a moment before speaking again. "How’s your Magnus?"

"Immortal", was the first thing that left Alec’s mouth, their discussion still going through his mind like a constant reminder of how bad he fucked things up. "He’s a six-hundred years old Warlock", he said.

"Wow. I’m here crying because Magnus died and in your world he’s immortal. Don’t you just love when the universe seems to hate you?" the other Alec asked shaking his head. Alec sighed.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-"

"It’s okay, Alec, I was just pointing out how even more frustrating things can be. I’m not blaming you for what you got", the other Alec reassured him.

"Actually you should be blaming me, I’m an awful person", Alec said and the other furrowed his brow.

"How come?" he asked. Alec sighed.

"Before I ended up here, Magnus and I had a fight. Because he always refuses to talk about his immortality. I want to get married and have kids but… I’m scared. I’m scared that he might not want to pursue the same things as me because I’m mortal. I know he loves me, but maybe he sees our relationship as something fleeting… I don’t know. It’s just- a lot". Alec rubbed his hands on his face. The exhaustion of all the things that had happened in the last three days finally making itself notice. "I’m scared he will run away as soon as I start getting older".

"What would be your solution? Your best case scenario", the other Alec asked and Alec had to think for a minute or two.

"Me and him. Together. For as long as possible", Alec replied.

"Even if he leaves you?" the other one asked. Alec sighed and rubbed his face once again.

"I… I don’t know. It sounds stupid, doesn’t it? The fact that I’d rather end a relationship now because I’m afraid that it’ll happen later on", Alec said and the other man shook his head.

"It’s not stupid, Alec. You’re trying to save yourself from a prolonged pain, I get it. But in all honesty, I would do anything to be with him. Magnus was the love of my life and losing him was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret every single one of my actions that led him to that end. Magnus, your Magnus, is still with you and you need to fight for him. Believe me; you don’t want to be going through this. Don’t take for granted any second that you have with him, not like I did. I always thought that we would have the rest of our lives to be together, and suddenly he was gone and I would have sold my soul if it meant that I would have one more minute with him. If you ask me, I would rather be with him for one day than never having met him".

Alec swallowed the lump on his throat and fought the tears prickling his eyes. "Even thinking about not being with him makes me anxious, just thinking about Magnus not being part of my life sounds crazy. He became the highlight of my days so fast. I fell for him so damn fast that now I’m scared that I’m finally going to land", he admitted.

"Love is never easy and it’s supposed to be scary. Hell, you have no idea how scared I was and I knew he was scared, too. But we affronted that fear together. We did not walk away from each other", the other Alec said and Alec looked at him, seeing on his face the sadness that even thinking about Magnus caused him. The sadness that he would feel if he lost him, too.

 "I love him so much", he said in almost a whisper.

"I know. Don’t let him go, please".

When Alec decided to get ready to do the portal, they called Simon to say goodbye as Alec had promised. Simon arrived with Izzy forty minutes later and, for the look on his face when he saw his sister, it seemed that the other Alec had not seen Isabelle in a long time. Alec was glad that Simon decided to bring her with him.

"E.T. goes home, then", Simon said and Alec had no idea what he was talking about. "The movie? E.T. the extraterrestrial? Really?" Alec just shrugged and Simon gave up.

"I’m glad you found a way to go back to your world, Alec", Izzy said kindly. "Although you didn’t do what I said".

"It was Simon’s idea to bring me here, don’t look at me", Alec defended and Izzy smiled. "Actually, do you mind if I talk to you for a second?" Izzy seemed surprised at the request but nodded her head and followed Alec out of the cabin. Meanwhile, Simon stayed inside helping the other Alec with the ingredients to summon the portal. Alec had imagined that he would do it with his hands, but then he remembered that he was actually, well, not a warlock.

"What is it?" Izzy asked as soon as they were outside.

"It’s about Madzie", Alec said and Izzy’s eyes widened. "I don’t know if you knew this but Alec and Magnus were planning on adopting her".

"Oh, my God", Izzy said covering his mouth with his hand, her big brown eyes shining behind her glasses.

"I know is not my place to tell you this, probably Alec was hurting too much to say it himself, but I need to ask you for a favor before I leave. Your brother and I are pretty similar, and I know he’s not going to say this himself so I will, for his sake. He misses Madzie. He probably pushed her away because he didn’t want her to see him suffer, but he misses her a lot, Izzy. If you can, please, bring her to him. At least to visit him from time to time. Alec is lost, he doesn’t reach out to the people that he loves and pretends that he needs to be alone but he doesn’t. Madzie may be the only one that could give him a reason to go on", Alec said and Isabelle was openly crying at this point. She sniffed a couple of times before talking.

"I know, I know", she said. "And she misses him, too. She’s always giving me drawings of him and Magnus, and it hurts so much because she feels like she lost both of her parents that night. Even if they weren’t legally her parents then, she loved them as if they were".

"Then maybe you’ll get the chance to help both of them, could you do that?" Alec asked smiling and Isabelle smiled back, nodding. He hugged her and she returned the hug immediately.

After Izzy had composed herself again they went back to the cabin where the other Alec had everything ready. "Time to go home", he said and Alec never felt more relieved.

"Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You too, Simon. If it weren’t for you I’d probably be stuck in here forever", he said and Simon smiled.

"You’re welcome, Alec", he replied.

"When I summon the portal you need to think clearly where you want to go, okay?" Alec instructed, picking up a piece of paper from the table. "Think of a physical location, of the people there, focus on how you feel in that place, or else you may end up in a different world once again", he said and Alec shuddered in fear. He may not be as lucky if this happens again.

The other Alec placed a bowl full of different herbs and liquids in front of Alec and started to recite the words from the paper, holding his fist up in front of the bowl. Izzy went to stand next to Simon nervous, and he hugged her waist. Alec was suddenly feeling scared and his heart was going incredibly fast, as if it was going to get out of his chest at any second.

"And Alec? Say hi to him for me, okay?" the other Alec said before opening his fist and dropping a jelly substance into the mix. The portal opened in the place where the bowl was and Alec nodded his head, looked at all of them once again, took a deep breath and stepped in.

 

\---------

 

When Alec arrived there were at least ten shadowhunters ready to cut his throat. He was in the middle of the Institute, where the portal had taken him, and apparently they all went full alert when they saw that someone was getting in. "Stand down, it’s me", he said and all of them lowered their blades. Izzy appeared from behind them.

"Alec, oh, my god", she said and ran to hug him hard, almost knocking the air out of his lungs. The rest of the shadowhunters started to scatter to give them privacy. "Where were you? You’ve been gone for three days, Magnus hasn’t stopped calling me, we were so scared", she started saying almost crying.

"I’m okay, Izzy. I ended up in another dimension, but I’m back", he reassured her.

"What? How?" she said confused. Alec shook his head.

"We’ll talk about it later, okay? I need to see Magnus right now", he said and she nodded.

"Okay, I’ll let the rest know that you’re okay. Jace is on patrol right now looking for you", Izzy informed him.

"Call him for me, please. I’ll explain everything as soon as I sort some things out", he said, already turning to leave the building.

"Ok, and be careful, please", Izzy said and Alec turned around to nod his head at her before leaving.

This time he took the subway, he needed to get there fast. He needed to see Magnus and say how sorry he was and that he was an idiot. It seemed like destiny was trying to make everything extra difficult because the train was taking longer than usual now. He decided that he had enough of it and stepped down three stations before Magnus’s. He started to run, needing to get home as soon as possible.

When he arrived he took the steps two at a time until he finally reached the door. He opened it and found Magnus sitting in front of a table that was placed in the center of the living room, covered in books and all kinds of ingredients. He apparently fell asleep trying to find a way to get Alec back. The sight alone made Alec feel even more horrible that he already felt. He placed a hand on his shoulder and shook it softly.

Magnus was startled into wakefulness and he quickly focused his eyes in the person behind him. A feel of both relief and happiness adorned his features and he stood up to hug Alec.

"Alexander", he breathed relieved on Alec’s neck.

"Magnus", he sighed holding him tight. Not wanting to ever let him go. Magnus raised his head to look at him, a hand going up to cup his cheek, Alec instantly leaned to the touch.

"Where have you been? I was so scared-"

"I’m okay, I’m here with you", Alec interrupted and squeezed Magnus’s other hand.

"Where were you?" Magnus asked softly, looking him in the eyes with unreserved fear.

"It’s a long story", Alec said shaking his head. He did not want to talk about that, not now that he was finally home. "Right now I need you. Just you, please".

"I’m so sorry, Alec, for everything that happened. I- the last time that we spoke-", Magnus started saying but Alec shushed him softly.

"I know, and I’m sorry, too. But, Magnus, we can’t keep avoiding the topic. We need to talk", he said.

"I know, I know. I’m sorry that I’ve been so stubborn with this, is just… it’s not easy", Magnus admitted and Alec could not help to feel relieved and proud that Magnus was willing to talk now.

"I know, I’m scared and I don’t really know what to say or do. Every time I think about it I just…" Alec trailed off and could not help but yawn. Now that he was with Magnus he was feeling more and more the exhaustion.

"I understand. You’ve been away for almost four days, though. Why don’t you go to take a nap, we can talk later", Magnus said, still holding his cheek.

"I don’t know", Alec said closing his eyes. He did not want to keep prolonging this.

"Alec, please, rest for a couple of hours. I’ll be here when you wake up", Magnus reassured him and then he kissed him softly on the lips. Alec returned the kiss and held him for a little while longer.

"Could you come with me?" he asked once he opened his eyes again. "I missed you so much". Magnus smiled at him, his eyes shining.

"Yes. Yes, of course", he replied and tugged Alec from his sleeve to lead him to the bedroom. Alec sat down on the bed and took off his boots, pants and shirt. He was glad that he had the decency to ask the other Alec to take a shower before leaving. He was even more glad that he had let him. They both got into bed and Alec hugged Magnus tight once again.

"Magnus. I love you, you know that, right? So, so much", he said, kissing his neck. Magnus turned around and pecked his lips, wrapping Alec’s arms even closer.

"And I love you, Alexander, just as much", he replied and kissed him one more time before Alec drifted off to sleep.

Alec woke up five hours later. He looked around the room and he could not help to feel relieved once again to realize that him coming back home has not been a dream. It actually happened. He smiled for a moment until he noticed that Magnus was not by his side. He stood up, went to the bathroom and then he headed out straight to the kitchen, where he could feel movement.

Magnus was standing by the stove, apparently preparing pasta if the smell was anything to go by. Alec wrapped his arms around his waist from behind him and sighed contently. Magnus chuckled patting his arm with the hand that was not holding a spoon.

"Good afternoon, sleepy-head", he said.

"Good afternoon, indeed", Alec replied and kissed Magnus’s bare shoulder. He could feel Magnus smiling even though he was not looking at him.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Amazingly well", Alec replied. Sleeping by Magnus’s side always gave him a feeling of security and love that he did not feel in any other place. He loved sleeping next to him.

"I hope you’re hungry, then", Magnus replied and Alec hummed in agreement before kissing his shoulder one more time and going to fetch the plates.

He set the table and both of them ate contentedly, happy to be together once again. Alec used the opportunity to tell Magnus what had happened with Elias, and asked him if he could tutor him with his magic. Magnus was actually delighted to hear that he could help a young warlock and Alec was glad to have such a generous and caring boyfriend. He also told him about the alternate universe and Magnus looked stressed during the whole exchange.

"I’m so glad you found a way to get back, Alexander, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to rescue you anytime soon", he admitted, looking at the table covered in books where he told Alec was looking for other ways to track him. Alec chuckled and squeezed his hand.

"It’s okay, I’m back now", he said and Magnus nodded smiling.

Eventually they finished dinner and went to relax to the balcony, like they did every night after eating together. Magnus usually brought either a glass of wine, or a cup of coffee, depending on the weather, but tonight was different. They needed to talk and they could not keep losing time, it was necessary to do it. Alec was about to bring it up when Magnus did it for him, catching him off guard.

"I’ve been avoiding this subject for quite some time now and I’m deeply sorry, I hope you know that", Magnus said softly, not quite meeting his gaze. He stood up, going to look at the city below them. The night sky made every single light stand out beautifully. "By doing this I think I just made us both miserable, and I regret it". Alec stood up too and went to stand next to him, looking also at the city.

"It’s not just your fault", he replied. "I saw what you were doing and I let you do it anyway because a part of me knew that I didn’t want to talk about this either. But, Magnus, when I said that I wanted to have a family with you I meant it. I really do. No matter how this conversation ends, that’s never going to change. You’re the love of my life", he said turning to look at him now. Magnus’s eyes were filled with so many emotions that made Alec feel overwhelmed.

"And you’re mine, Alexander", Magnus replied softly, looking at him intently, as if he was trying to memorize every single detail of his face. "Believe me when I say that I’ve never been more scared of my own feelings. I would love to have a family with you. That thought never crossed my mind with other people, but when I see you, it seems that’s the only thing that I can think about. I don’t see my future without you, it just…" he shook his head. Alec could barely breathe now, he wanted to reach out and touch him but he knew that they needed to talk first.

"It doesn’t make any sense if you’re not on it", Magnus continued. "My immortality was always an advantage, I used to get bored of people, or people would get bored of me. I knew that I had a lot of time to waste and I did it, I wasted my time. But right now, being in love with a mortal, I feel like I’m blindfolded. I always saw the end of every relationship. I knew when they were not going to last, but now… I feel lost. And thinking that the end could be- could be- when you’re gone, it breaks my heart and I can barely think what I would do then. I’m as ready to lose you now as I will be in a hundred years", he said with watery eyes. Alec swallowed hard and shook his head.

"How- how can you say that? Did you really see the end of our relationship with me dying? I mean, what about when I’m starting to get older, with wrinkles and grey hair? What about then?" Alec asked and Magnus smiled fondly.

"Alexander, honey, you being young is not what I care about", he said honestly.

"I know", Alec continued. "But you say that now. I’m—I’m scared that in, say 30 years, you find another person, the same way that you found me, and this person is my age now, what about then?" he asked sounding a little desperate. This was one of his biggest fears and he was actually scared of the answer.

"Alec", Magnus said and grabbed both of his hands, squeezing them. "I know this is not about me, but you have to believe me. I would never go to another person just because they’re younger than you. I’m in love with you, no one else. I don’t care how old you become. Like I said before, you’re the love of my life, and something as trivial as you getting older will not make me go away".

"I know, but- I’m- just-"

"Alec", Magnus interrupted kindly. "If I lose an arm tomorrow, would you replace me with another man that has both arms?" Alec did not even need to think for a second.

"What? No, why would I do that?" he asked.

"Why wouldn’t you?" Magnus said smiling.

"Because I love you, I don’t care if you lose an arm, I would still love you", Alec reasoned and Magnus nodded his head.

"Likewise", he said. "I don’t care about your physical changes, Alec. I’ll never stop loving you". Alec sighed and closed his eyes. He was trying hard to believe him and the worst part was that he did, he really did, and that was scary. But he remembered the other Alec’s words, love is supposed to be scary, this was normal.

"Look", Magnus interrupted his thoughts and Alec opened his eyes again to find brown ones looking at the floor now, unsure. "I’ve been thinking for quite some time about this and I didn’t want to tell you because I don’t want you to think that you’re pressuring me into doing it. But, there’s a spell in the Book of the White that would help me to… get rid of this. Of my immortality".

"No", Alec said at once and this time Magnus looked at him.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Your immortality is an important part of you, Magnus, and I would never ask you to cut your life short just for my sake", Alec said and went to stand a little closer to him, still holding his hands tightly.

"Like I said before, I thought about it myself. You don’t have to ask. Although I haven’t reached to a conclusion yet, the option exists", Magnus said.

"I don’t know if I would be able to live with myself if you did that for me", Alec replied. Be as honest as possible, he kept repeating himself, this is Magnus and you need to be able to tell him everything. "I don’t want to feel like we’re forcing our relationship just because I owe you, or because you did this for me. It’s unfair". Magnus let out a soft, fond laugh.

"Alexander, I don’t think our relationship has ever been forced, and certainly I would do this for myself, because if you have only sixty or seventy years, then I’d love to live them with you. And if they’re going to be the last ones of my life, then they also are going to be the best ones", he said. Alec felt all kind of emotions going through his body at once, his heart beating faster on his chest, filled with warmth and love by Magnus’s words.

"Would you really do that, or consider doing that?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"I would", Magnus replied softly.

"But I never offered becoming immortal myself", Alec said and Magnus smiled again.

"I know".

"Aren’t you angry that you’re willing to risk so much and I’m not offering the same?" Alec asked.

"I’ve lived for centuries", Magnus started to say. "I grew up knowing that I was immortal. But if I had lived such a long part of my life as a mortal, forming bonds with other mortals, then becoming immortal would’ve been unbearable. You love your family so much, Alexander, and I love that of you because they love you just as much. I would never want to see you lose them. Even if it meant an eternity with me, I don’t want to see you lose that spark in your eyes. Immortality makes us cold, and you’re so warm, and you love so much that you’d never deserve it".

Alec pressed his forehead against Magnus’s; he needed to feel him close and breathing in front of him. He loved him so much and Magnus loved him just as much. It was the most beautiful feeling.

"I love you with all my heart, you know?" Alec said and Magnus hugged him by the neck.

"And I love you", he replied before kissing him softly.

Their future still remained uncertain, but after at least having discussed it, Alec felt more at ease. He knew that no matter what, Magnus would still be there by his side for as long as he would let him.

They kept kissing unhurriedly for what felt like hours, holding each other tightly and a little bit desperate after having their relationship threatened by something as unavoidable as death. Magnus cupped both of Alec’s cheeks and kissed him in a way that Alec could feel the love, reverence and unrestrained joy that he felt having him with him. Alec returned the kiss just as fiercely, grabbing Magnus by the waist with both hands, not letting him go.

The night turned colder, for winter was approaching, and they had to go back inside eventually. Only a few words were exchanged but in this new air of trust that has formed between them, they were not really necessary. One look was all it took to communicate with each other. They went to bed after Alec cleaned up the kitchen, and Magnus put away the books still on the table. For some reason he did not use his magic to do so, he did it the mundane way. Alec assumed that he was stalling to go to bed at the same time, and that thought alone made his heart flutter.

Lying next to him again, looking into his eyes and knowing that there were not things that remained unsaid, Alec allowed himself to finally smile and be thankful for having met him. Magnus smiled back at him and once again kissed him softly. Alec sighed happily and returned the kiss, not taking a second to wrap Magnus on his arms and put himself of top of him, willing to show in every physical way possible how much love he had for him.

He spent most of the night praising every part of Magnus’s body, hearing him sigh underneath him and repeat his name like a plea. Alec made sure to pour everything he felt for him, even his fears, there were no more walls between them and there never should be. Magnus looked him in the eyes with such devotion that Alec could not believe that he was on the receiving end of something as beautiful and mesmerizing. His bronze skin was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, his hair in disarray, his eyeliner smudged over his eyes, and his lips swollen due to kissing so much and biting them in order to restrict all the noises that wanted to escape his mouth. Alec could barely breathe at the sight and tried to memorize every single detail.

The next day would come at any moment now, and he wanted nothing more than to stop the time now and remain in bed, looking at Magnus sleeping softly by his side. The moonlight giving him a serene and calm state, but at the same time it made him surreal and dangerous. His demonic part always shadowed by the true beauty of his soul, but now, while he is unaware that somebody is watching him, the power that he holds under his fingertips is almost visible. Alec felt a shiver go down his spine. This being was so powerful and would be able to wreak havoc with just the snap of his fingers, but at the same time he held Alec with a softness and tenderness that it seemed that he was scared that Alec would break under his touch.

Magnus was hot and cold and Alec does not think he would have him any other way. He looks back now at the day that they met, at every single moment that made him fall in love with him and sees how unavoidable their story was. He understands now how they are together in any single universe, in every single world they will always find each other. The word ‘soul mates’ came to his mind and he could not help to smile at the thought, he never thought it was possible, but looking at Magnus right now, he thinks that maybe is not such a wild concept as he used to believe.

The end of their relationship is something that will come sooner or later. Either if it is because they break up, which Alec does not see ever happening, or because one of them dies. But that thought is not scary anymore, does not make him afraid because he knows that even if their relationship ends, even if they do not see each other anymore whichever the reasons, their love will prevail and survive in every single reality because it is one of those that not even divine intervention could ever break apart.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you guys think? Let me know in the comments if you want, and thank you for reading. See you next time.


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